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Horse Sales Terminology Translated

BIG TROT: can't canter within a two mile straight-away.

NICELY STARTED: lunges, but we don't have enough insurance to ride him yet.

TOP SHOW HORSE: won a reserve champion 5 years ago at a show with unusually low entries due to tornado warnings.

HOME BRED: knows nothing despite being raised on the back porch.

BIG BONED: good thing he has a mane and tail, or he would be mistaken for a cow.

NO VICES: especially when he wears his muzzle.

BOLD: runaway.

GOOD MOVER: runaway.

ATHLETIC: runaway.


SHOULD MATURE OVER 16 HANDS: currently 14 hands, dam is 14.2, sire is 15.3 hands, every horse in pedigree back 18 generations is under 16 hands, but *this* horse will defy his DNA and grow.

WELL MANNERED: hasn't stepped on, run over, bit, or kicked anyone for a week.

PROFESSIONALLY TRAINED: hasn't stepped on, run over, bit, or kicked anyone for a month.
4. Practice dialing your chiropractor's number with both arms paralyzed to the shoulder and one foot anchoring the lead rope of a frisky horse.

RECENTLY VETTED: someone else found something really wrong with this horse.

TO GOOD HOME ONLY: not really for sale unless you can
1) Pay twice what he is worth
2) Are willing to sign a 10 page legal document to allow current owner to tuck him in beddy-bye every night.

EXCELLENT DISPOSITION: never been out of the stall.

CLIPS, HAULS, LOADS: clippity clippity is the sound of his hooves make as he hauls butt across the parking lot when you try to load him.

FOR SALE DUE TO LACK OF TIME: rider cannot afford to spend anymore time in the hospital.

QUIET: dead (almost).

SPIRITED: psychotic.

WELL BRED: mother and father are also brother and sister!

COLOR IS BLACK: brown and/or dirty.

ANY VET CHECK WELCOME: Please pay for us to find out what the is wrong with him!

SUITS EVENTING: no brakes.

SUITS DRESSAGE: no accelerator.

SUITS ANYONE: except us, we hate him!

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