10. Drop a heavy steel object on your
foot. Don't pick it up right away. Shout, "Get off, Stupid,
9. Leap out of a moving vehicle and practice
"relaxing into the fall." Roll lithely into a ball and
spring to your feet.
8. Learn to grab your checkbook out of your
purse and write out a $200 check without even looking down.
7. Jog long distances carrying a halter
and a carrot. Go ahead and tell the neighbors what you are doing
- they might as well know now.
6. Affix a pair of reins to a moving freight
train and practice pulling to a halt. Smile as if you are having
5. Hone your fibbing skills: "See hon,
moving hay bales is FUN!" and "No, really, I'm glad your
lucky performance and multimillion dollar horse won the blue ribbon.
I am just thankful that my hard work and actual ability won me second
4. Practice dialing your chiropractor's
number with both arms paralyzed to the shoulder and one foot anchoring
the lead rope of a frisky horse.
3. Borrow the US Army's slogan: Be All That You Can Be -- bitten,
thrown, kicked, slimed, trampled, frozen...
2. Lie face down in a puddle of mud in your most expensive riding
clothes and repeat to yourself, "This is a learning experience,
this is a learning experience, this is ..."
1. THE NUMBER ONE EXERCISE TO BECOME A BETTER
EQUESTRIAN: Marry money.
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